|An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"
HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
"Where did you receive your training?"
"Good, and what's your name?"