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  • Jokes Zone : Computer

    The Three Laws of Secure Computing

    1) Don't buy a computer.
    2) If you do buy a computer, don't plug it in.
    3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.


    The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let's get started!


    Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
    Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
    Real users never use the Help key.
    Real users never stop asking new options.
    Real users never know what to do with new options.


    Computers are Like Men...

    • In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
    • They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
    • They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    • As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
    • They hear what you say, but not what you mean
    Computers are Like Women...
    • No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
    • The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    • Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
    • As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.