HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you .

Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too... 

U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key. 

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.  

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives. 

Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.  

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.  

You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.  

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem 

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?  

Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness. 

Common sense isn't common

Do pilots take crash-courses?

If it isn’t broke, fix it until it is

The older I get, the older old is

Relax, its only Ones and Zeros

A closed mouth gathers no feet

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! 

Be unique and different, just say yes.

The best things in life aren't things

I like feminists; I think they're cute

Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving

Adults are just kids who owe money

Never miss a good chance to shut up

All computers wait at the same speed

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How come night falls but day breaks?

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert

When money talks, the criminal walks